Day Eleven Forty Days of Focus: Relationships

When there is discipline without nurture children will get angry, and rightly so. A parent's job is not just correcting a child but also nurturing the child. There must be a good balance of both. A parent who is disciplining a child halts their actions while a parent who nurtures catches them in their arms. Children are vulnerable. Not only are they small, but they are not sure how things work. They want to be accepted, to be safe, to be loved. Parents are the primary place where they receive this kind of care. It is important that they know beyond a doubt that they will always be loved by their parents, no matter what, and they will not know this unless it is spoken. Don't ever assume your kids know they are loved. They need to hear it often. Quality time with your kids is a must. Life is busy. In order to make sure your kids get enough of you, it is important to create intentional rhythms that cycle around weekly, monthly and yearly. Spend time daily with them. Find them in the places they are at and talk to them, hug them and tell them that you love them. No child should ever wonder if they are loved deeply. Remember, hypocrisy is like poison to your relationship with your child, so never tell them with words you love them and tell them with your actions that you don't.

Day Ten Forty Day of Focus: Relationships

Scripture is clear that discipline is good, godly and right. God disciplines those He loves and has created the role of parent in a child's life for the purpose of disciplining the next generation. Other words that describe discipline are, "correction," "conformity," "wisdom," "training,"sanctification." Discipline creates character and character is the bridle that holds back the sin nature. So, how do we discipline? Every child is different. Good discipline means knowing your child and giving them correction in a way that will cause them to reconsider poor choices and make good choices until they learn how to self-correct. The human condition is such that it takes years to mature physically, emotionally and spiritually. Along this path, there must be parents who establish and hold boundaries. Otherwise, kids will self-indulge and miss the opportunity to learn the skill of self-correction which is part of good character. Time-outs, spankings, loss of privilege and loss of property are all good forms of punishment depending on the child's temperament. Learn what works with your child. If they enjoy alone time, sending them to their room might be more of a relief than a punishment. Some kids have favorite toys or activities they really value. Removing these is sure to get their attention. The key to good discipline is consistency, decisiveness and finding punishments that fit the crime.