Day Nine Forty Days of Focus: Relationships

Have you ever seen what Roundup does to weeds? Lush, green plants can wilt and become dry, brown relics in a matter of hours. This is what hypocrisy does to parenting. If you want your kids to hate everything you stand for, give them a healthy dose of hypocrisy every day. Hypocrisy is when we say we believe one thing and show that we believe another thing. Christian parents do it all the time. When we pray for others and then treat them badly or when we gossip about people or show anger towards them, our kids have a front row seat. They begin to see these traits in us even before they learn to talk. By the time they are teenagers they know more about us than we know about ourselves. They've been watching. So, how do you neutralize hypocrisy? Keep it real. Own your stuff. God keeps it real with you and asks you to own your stuff. Just do the same thing with your kids. They want to see a real example of a life view that works. If they see you overcome bad habits, help the hurting, forgive those who hurt you and show up when you don't want to they will be convinced that you believe in something that is real and good. Your one example is worth a bucket full of your words. They will believe what they see you do, not what they hear you say. Nobody likes a hypocrite, especially your own kids.

Day Eight Forty Days of Focus: Relationships

The Key to good parenting is teaching kids to love God and love others more than themselves. I've suggested that in a practical way, this means teaching them the big three: Learn to be independent of your parents, Learn to be dependent on God, Learn to take responsibility for your actions. One of the areas where Christian parents often struggle to live this out is in the area of discipline. Some of the lessons that kids learn under our watch can seem harsh. It's easier to give them a pass than to hold them accountable. Plus, they are often so cute, it's hard to hold the line. However, God is a heavenly Father who holds that line for you. Consider this. How many times in your life has the difficulty of life made you cry, made you sad or made you fearful? Where was God when this happened? Was He unaware, ignorant or impotent? No. God is our perfect example of a father and He is o.k. with us suffering for the sake of discipline and character building. So, why aren't we? Your parenting style should reflect His parenting more than anything else. Goodness is not the same as niceness or kindness or patience. Galatians 5:22-23 says, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." Goodness is what is right, not what is easy or nice. Sometimes easy and nice are not right. Are you the kind of parent who can bring discipline or allow kids to experience the consequences of their actions? This is good.In case you are not picking up what I'm laying down, here's the way the Word of God says it: Prov 3:11-12 "My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in." Prov 15:5 "A fool spurns his father's discipline, but whoever heeds correction shows prudence." Heb 12:5-8 "And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son." Heb 12:9-11 "Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."Job 5:17-18 (NIV) "Blessed is the man whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty. For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal."1 Cor 11:32 "But when God does judge us, he disciplines us as his own sons, that we may not be involved in the general condemnation of the world." Prov 20:30 "Blows and wounds cleanse away evil, and beatings purge the innermost being." Rev 3:19 "Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent." Rom 11:22 "Do not forget that God can be severe as well as kind..." Heb 10:31 "It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God."