Renee Brown's Story
The following story is from Renee Brown who began attending Restoration Life when her schooling brought her to Sacramento State University. She has been actively involved in small groups and adult education as well as serving withing the church body and in service to the community.
There could be no testimony without the abundant grace of a loving Father and His immeasurable faithfulness. To Him be the glory.
I was raised in a wonderful, loving home and was taught at a young age the importance of faith and obedience. As the youngest of seven children in a proud Catholic family - this was my identity. I was so proud to be a member of this family who dutifully followed the teaching of the church. However my identity was shaken when I was about 10 years old. You see, my eldest brother and his young family left Catholicism for a nondenominational Christian Church. His leaving was followed shortly thereafter by my next eldest brother and sister. This brought incredible tension in my family, to the point of not being able to gather without intense fighting. To a ten year old, whose identity was her family, the word had shaken, and as I saw my family being torn apart over religion, I decided I wanted nothing to do with it.
Years later, after dutifully obeying my Catholic upbringing and feeling that I had a decent relationship with God, I fell in love with and married a wonderful and "safe" traditional Catholic man. As we began our life together, I began to see that our spiritual life was lacking. We weren't faithful to attend church until the kids came along and then just so they could be sure to receive the sacraments as scheduled, like clockwork. I even taught catechism and played my part of active parishioner. But as the years went by I began to realize how shallow my relationship with God was. The question, "Are you saved Auntie?" from my young nephew made me defensive and I had a certain uneasy feeling around my Christian siblings.
We struggled financially and my dreams of being a stay at home mom were always tearing at me. I began to realize how superficial our life was. It was all about pleasing others, or doing the right thing. On the outside we "looked" like the perfect family. It was extremely lonely and burdensome at the same time. Shortly after purchasing our first home (after 10 years of marriage and 10 different apartments) I couldn't take the falsehood and emptiness anymore. I began to seek out a relationship with God. I was going to make things better. I began to read Christian books, attened bible studies outside the church and consult with my siblings who I could see living genuine lives of Christianity. My husband did not understand my desire for change - why fix something that wasn't broken. Sure we weren't living the dream, but things were ok. I was alone. I have always been self-sufficient and independent but I was not strong enough for this. I became bitter and became angry at my husband's indifference.
I couldn't even tell you what exactly it was anymore that pushed me over the edge but I finally broke. One day after working and picking up the girls from school I came home, shut my bedroom door and cried. Before I knew it I was on the floor crying out to God, pouring out my false hopes and dreams, admitting my guilt, asking forgiveness and pleading with him to not let me go. I was finally in submission to my Father, on His terms; it wan't about what I could do anymore.
My pursuit of God changed on that day and He filled me with His Spirit. He gave me a contentment I had never known and I passionately began reading His word. My husband noticed the difference and told me we were not going to church hop and he was not interested in becoming a pastor (as 2 of my brothers had and 2 others are elders in their churches). Sadly, he won't even pick up the Bible, but I am not discouraged because God has something beautiful planned for our family and will reveal it in His time. We still attended the Catholic Church as I felt it was important to worship God as a family not divided. However, now when I taught catechism, I emphasized the personal relationship with God and living out our faith.
Several years later God opened the door for me to go back to school. I didn't think the timing was right, but He had other plans and things moved forward. I am now just months away from graduating and as I look back, I am moved to tears to see His hand throughout this journey. There were so many times that I was overwhelemed and didn't think I would finish. I would cry out to God in my weakness, or pray that if he would shut the door I would still love Him. I prayed to know and love His plan, not my own and each time He confirmed and provided in ways that only He could. He has used this season to grow my faith and trust in Him and I am so humbled to experience this and so thankful for the protection He has provided over my family.
Through this experience He has been showing me that my true identity is as His daughter, in His image, and to not settle for less. I have fought my whole life with insecurity, shyness and feelings of inadequacy (hence the tendency to self-sufficiency and independence). Yet one by one through this journey He has broken me of these lies of the world. I still struggle with my fears and daily go in submission to him. But I know He is in control. I believe He has been preparing me for a plan I do not yet know, and so I press forward each day pursuing Him.
My testimony is not one that would turn heads, but is a journey that others may relate to. I have been blessed immeasurably by a most gracious, loving, and faithful God. I have a husband who loves me, and two beautiful daughters who are growing in their relationship with their heavenly father - deeply and personally, not out of rules of obedience.
On a side note it is interesting that recently I was asked to pray for and encourage a young mother who has a passion for Jesus but is struggling because her husband is noncommittal in his faith or role in leading the family. It is strange that God would use one of my own struggles to allow me to meet someone else's need, and humbling that someone would see God's victory in an area still being worked out. Praise God!
There could be no testimony without the abundant grace of a loving Father and His immeasurable faithfulness. To Him be the glory.
I was raised in a wonderful, loving home and was taught at a young age the importance of faith and obedience. As the youngest of seven children in a proud Catholic family - this was my identity. I was so proud to be a member of this family who dutifully followed the teaching of the church. However my identity was shaken when I was about 10 years old. You see, my eldest brother and his young family left Catholicism for a nondenominational Christian Church. His leaving was followed shortly thereafter by my next eldest brother and sister. This brought incredible tension in my family, to the point of not being able to gather without intense fighting. To a ten year old, whose identity was her family, the word had shaken, and as I saw my family being torn apart over religion, I decided I wanted nothing to do with it.
Years later, after dutifully obeying my Catholic upbringing and feeling that I had a decent relationship with God, I fell in love with and married a wonderful and "safe" traditional Catholic man. As we began our life together, I began to see that our spiritual life was lacking. We weren't faithful to attend church until the kids came along and then just so they could be sure to receive the sacraments as scheduled, like clockwork. I even taught catechism and played my part of active parishioner. But as the years went by I began to realize how shallow my relationship with God was. The question, "Are you saved Auntie?" from my young nephew made me defensive and I had a certain uneasy feeling around my Christian siblings.
We struggled financially and my dreams of being a stay at home mom were always tearing at me. I began to realize how superficial our life was. It was all about pleasing others, or doing the right thing. On the outside we "looked" like the perfect family. It was extremely lonely and burdensome at the same time. Shortly after purchasing our first home (after 10 years of marriage and 10 different apartments) I couldn't take the falsehood and emptiness anymore. I began to seek out a relationship with God. I was going to make things better. I began to read Christian books, attened bible studies outside the church and consult with my siblings who I could see living genuine lives of Christianity. My husband did not understand my desire for change - why fix something that wasn't broken. Sure we weren't living the dream, but things were ok. I was alone. I have always been self-sufficient and independent but I was not strong enough for this. I became bitter and became angry at my husband's indifference.
I couldn't even tell you what exactly it was anymore that pushed me over the edge but I finally broke. One day after working and picking up the girls from school I came home, shut my bedroom door and cried. Before I knew it I was on the floor crying out to God, pouring out my false hopes and dreams, admitting my guilt, asking forgiveness and pleading with him to not let me go. I was finally in submission to my Father, on His terms; it wan't about what I could do anymore.
My pursuit of God changed on that day and He filled me with His Spirit. He gave me a contentment I had never known and I passionately began reading His word. My husband noticed the difference and told me we were not going to church hop and he was not interested in becoming a pastor (as 2 of my brothers had and 2 others are elders in their churches). Sadly, he won't even pick up the Bible, but I am not discouraged because God has something beautiful planned for our family and will reveal it in His time. We still attended the Catholic Church as I felt it was important to worship God as a family not divided. However, now when I taught catechism, I emphasized the personal relationship with God and living out our faith.
Several years later God opened the door for me to go back to school. I didn't think the timing was right, but He had other plans and things moved forward. I am now just months away from graduating and as I look back, I am moved to tears to see His hand throughout this journey. There were so many times that I was overwhelemed and didn't think I would finish. I would cry out to God in my weakness, or pray that if he would shut the door I would still love Him. I prayed to know and love His plan, not my own and each time He confirmed and provided in ways that only He could. He has used this season to grow my faith and trust in Him and I am so humbled to experience this and so thankful for the protection He has provided over my family.
Through this experience He has been showing me that my true identity is as His daughter, in His image, and to not settle for less. I have fought my whole life with insecurity, shyness and feelings of inadequacy (hence the tendency to self-sufficiency and independence). Yet one by one through this journey He has broken me of these lies of the world. I still struggle with my fears and daily go in submission to him. But I know He is in control. I believe He has been preparing me for a plan I do not yet know, and so I press forward each day pursuing Him.
My testimony is not one that would turn heads, but is a journey that others may relate to. I have been blessed immeasurably by a most gracious, loving, and faithful God. I have a husband who loves me, and two beautiful daughters who are growing in their relationship with their heavenly father - deeply and personally, not out of rules of obedience.
On a side note it is interesting that recently I was asked to pray for and encourage a young mother who has a passion for Jesus but is struggling because her husband is noncommittal in his faith or role in leading the family. It is strange that God would use one of my own struggles to allow me to meet someone else's need, and humbling that someone would see God's victory in an area still being worked out. Praise God!
posted by pastordan at 8:16 AM
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