What Makes Sex Great
Use the word sex and immediately people listen. Show sexual images and eyes open, so do wallets. Sex is used to market everything from fast food to automobiles. There is not a person here this morning that doesn’t think about sex. So, what does the bible say about sex? Song of Solomon is a book of the bible dedicated to giving God’s perspective on sex.
For some people sex is an uncomfortable subject. But for God it’s part of His perfect creation. After Adam and Eve sinned sex became tainted just like everything else. Thankfully, God is in the restoration business. Jesus came to make all things new, including sex.
Sex is how a man and woman express their great delight in each other.
Is sex physical? Is it emotional? Is it spiritual? How are they connected? Are they connected?
Does God reveal truth in the bible that answers these questions?
Some have said that the book of Songs was written to demonstrate the love relationship between Christ and the Church. This is the case in Ephesians 5:19-33. But why do we feel the need to make the book of Songs into a story about
Christ and the Church when it doesn’t even mention this? Why are we so ashamed to talk about sex when God is not. It’s one of His greatest inventions.
Song of Solomon 8:4
Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.
In this book about the love relationship God designed for men and women in the context of marriage we see that the love described includes the following…
Raya – Friendship, companionship, buddy, best friend
Song of Solomon 4:7
All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you.
Ahava – Commitment, loyalty, unconditional
Song of Solomon 8:7
Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned.
Dod – Romantic, erotic, sexual
Song of Solomon 1:2
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth-- for your love is more delightful than wine.
If you have two out of three or one out of three you will experience some heat but you will miss out on the big flame that God had in mind when He created marriage. God desires that you have all three of these in abundance in your marriage relationship. Only then will you be able to experience the heat of romantic love the way God desires.
Six things every great lover knows…
1. Different Desire
Men use romance to get sex; Women use sex to get romance.
Men need to learn to remember to be romantic.
Women need to learn to not exasperate their husbands.
2. Different Wiring
Men live in compartments. That’s why a guy can be in the middle of mowing the grass or washing dishes and be ready for sex in a moment. He doesn’t need to be showered or feel sexy. He can go from the work compartment to the sex compartment and back to working.
Women live in complexity. Everything is interconnected; body, heart, mind and soul. For her to be ready for sex she needs to feel loved and feel lovely. She cares about the setting. She wants candles, clean sheets, perfume. If the setting is not right or the timing is wrong, the experience is dulled. If the guy says one dumb thing during the day, her mood is gone.
3. Different Timing
Gary Smalley said it best.
Men are like Microwaves and Women are like crock pots. For a woman good sex begins at daybreak. For a man good sex begins ten seconds from whenever.
4. Learn the Signals
With all the differences between men and women, it is easy to miss each other in the bedroom. It’s best if you have a sign. If he’s putting on your favorite cologne right before bed, that’s a sign. If she’s lighting candles before she turns out the light. That’s a sign.
5. Different Needs
Men and Women are different. Depending on your marriage, it may the man or the woman who’s appetite for sex is greater. But it’s part of the way your care for each other. Sex is not just another choice of entertainment. It’s a real need.
1 Cor. 7:5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Marriage is selfless. If you don’t satisfy your spouse’s sexual needs, who will?
6. Talk and Communicate
Don’t assume. You are meant to serve each other. Find out what your spouse enjoys and what they don’t. Ask, what can I do to make this better for you? I tell all couples in pre-marriage counseling, “You need to get your PhD in your spouse.” Become the expert.
For some people sex is an uncomfortable subject. But for God it’s part of His perfect creation. After Adam and Eve sinned sex became tainted just like everything else. Thankfully, God is in the restoration business. Jesus came to make all things new, including sex.
Sex is how a man and woman express their great delight in each other.
Is sex physical? Is it emotional? Is it spiritual? How are they connected? Are they connected?
Does God reveal truth in the bible that answers these questions?
Some have said that the book of Songs was written to demonstrate the love relationship between Christ and the Church. This is the case in Ephesians 5:19-33. But why do we feel the need to make the book of Songs into a story about
Christ and the Church when it doesn’t even mention this? Why are we so ashamed to talk about sex when God is not. It’s one of His greatest inventions.
Song of Solomon 8:4
Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.
In this book about the love relationship God designed for men and women in the context of marriage we see that the love described includes the following…
Raya – Friendship, companionship, buddy, best friend
Song of Solomon 4:7
All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you.
Ahava – Commitment, loyalty, unconditional
Song of Solomon 8:7
Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned.
Dod – Romantic, erotic, sexual
Song of Solomon 1:2
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth-- for your love is more delightful than wine.
If you have two out of three or one out of three you will experience some heat but you will miss out on the big flame that God had in mind when He created marriage. God desires that you have all three of these in abundance in your marriage relationship. Only then will you be able to experience the heat of romantic love the way God desires.
Six things every great lover knows…
1. Different Desire
Men use romance to get sex; Women use sex to get romance.
Men need to learn to remember to be romantic.
Women need to learn to not exasperate their husbands.
2. Different Wiring
Men live in compartments. That’s why a guy can be in the middle of mowing the grass or washing dishes and be ready for sex in a moment. He doesn’t need to be showered or feel sexy. He can go from the work compartment to the sex compartment and back to working.
Women live in complexity. Everything is interconnected; body, heart, mind and soul. For her to be ready for sex she needs to feel loved and feel lovely. She cares about the setting. She wants candles, clean sheets, perfume. If the setting is not right or the timing is wrong, the experience is dulled. If the guy says one dumb thing during the day, her mood is gone.
3. Different Timing
Gary Smalley said it best.
Men are like Microwaves and Women are like crock pots. For a woman good sex begins at daybreak. For a man good sex begins ten seconds from whenever.
4. Learn the Signals
With all the differences between men and women, it is easy to miss each other in the bedroom. It’s best if you have a sign. If he’s putting on your favorite cologne right before bed, that’s a sign. If she’s lighting candles before she turns out the light. That’s a sign.
5. Different Needs
Men and Women are different. Depending on your marriage, it may the man or the woman who’s appetite for sex is greater. But it’s part of the way your care for each other. Sex is not just another choice of entertainment. It’s a real need.
1 Cor. 7:5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Marriage is selfless. If you don’t satisfy your spouse’s sexual needs, who will?
6. Talk and Communicate
Don’t assume. You are meant to serve each other. Find out what your spouse enjoys and what they don’t. Ask, what can I do to make this better for you? I tell all couples in pre-marriage counseling, “You need to get your PhD in your spouse.” Become the expert.
posted by pastordan at 11:16 PM
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